The genuine longing for meaningful growth is often disrupted ... with futile attempts to soothe unknown fears with material gains.
There’s a guitar leaning in the corner. Running shoes still in the box. Audiobooks downloaded and never heard. We buy the gear for the person we long to become. And for a moment, it feels like we’re already on our way. The longing is genuine. Then growth starts asking something of us. It can hurt. It’s uncertain. It’s unfamiliar. And somewhere underneath, a fear stirs that we can’t quite name. Of being a beginner again. Of failing where others can see. So we soothe it. One more purchase. One more promise to start on Monday. The fear stays unknown … and we stay right where we are.
Watch a toddler learning to walk. Crawl. Stand. Wobble. Fall. Crawl again. Up again. It’s messy. Progress and failure all at once, with no regret and no shame. Just a few bumps and bruises along the way. Somewhere, most of us learn to fear the disorder of falling. I get it. There have been times I’ve talked a much better game than I was willing to stumble through. Yet the disorder isn’t interrupting our growth. The disorder is the growth. When a genuine longing feels disrupted, it may not mean something went wrong. It may mean it’s finally happening. There’s nothing to soothe. Nothing to run from. Only something to experience … and crawl through with trust.
For further reflection
What longing in me is genuine … and what fear have I been soothing instead of befriending?